I seated at the dark far side of the seashore. Glancing at you from time to time then stare back at the sea when you are about to look at that side. I was studying your movements and measuring how far you've change. Asking myself, why is it from the first time we met I already like you so much that I even let you go. Why after all those years I've spent risking and forgetting don't matter to me now? No answer.
When I look back to where the noises were coming, I see people's smiling faces, celebrating. As usual I found myself a way out of the party. I stayed there for a while examining the waves, then out of the blue used my right foot and wrote the unspoken words of mine.
I watched it slowly swallowed by the water until the sea fully enveloped the phrases in the sand. It was as if the sea was talking to me at that time, saying "It's better to keep the words." And without even shilly-shallying, I agreed to it.
The sea sounds creepy tonight, I thought. Is it really the sea that's spooky or my untold feelings that keep on haunting me? Eager to seek answers for the questions, I stepped on the water and walked to the deepest part until the water felt my knees. The cold wind hugged my frigid body. I listened to the sounds only to found it more eerie. I already forget that feelings a long time ago, right? Still, I heard no answer.
At last my feet find their way back and decided to abandon the thought and questions that were filling my mind for the moment. I tried to disregard the feeling of awkwardness having you in the background and the uneasiness knowing that there were several sets of eyes watching me or you. It's an odd feeling having those people wondering how we really feel for each other and how far we can go avoiding another's gazes and conversation. Maybe its quite entertaining view for them, but not for me who spent almost 5 years of my life feeling restless of the idea that the first man I love just easily go like a dry leaf being blown by the wind.
And despite my effort trying and doing my best to be keep in company and neglect the thought that you're just meters away to talk and get back the old days, there you are, with all smiles came and talked to me the way you always do. The track of questions I was having a while ago in the dark are now playing back. Why? Why? How?
You and me talking. It's funny and yet so familiar, just like the old days we're talking, all eyes in no either's side, avoiding each other's gaze. And it answered all my questions.
The feeling was never been forgotten. It was just right in the corner being abandoned and patiently waiting to be felt again and to prove that truly first love never dies...
