A Letter to The One I Left Behind

Dearest The One I Left Behind,

     "To walk away" is the only right thing, I thought, I have at that moment.

     You are the one who made me believe in love again after I thought I could never do the same. The one whose never been afraid to mend this broken heart of mine. Someone who showed me that there is a second chance for love. That sometimes its okay to take risk and forget about your fears.

     You made me experience magical thing but just like other spell, it doesn't last long. It was ruined by sorceress bewitchment which uses my fears as its powerful tool to destruction. It slowly vanished like a smoke in the air. I have lost you to forever.

     I walked away. I have never listen to you. I distanced myself to you thinking that its a protection I give to my sanity. I just leave you being puzzled about my quick disappearance. I left you there hanging in the air. And I have hurt you.

     I was hurt too. I was hurt when I heard those unfortunately-false-information but much hurt when I discovered that those were not true. I was hurt because I never appreciated all your effort. I was hurt because I didn't think rationally and just listened to my fears. I was hurt because I have lost you to nothing. I was hurt because you were hurting.

     It wasn't easy for me to let you go thinking that we could be more. Trust me, it never did. I was broken and until now I'm still picking the pieces together, hoping we will mend soon and wishing for the best healing to both of us.

     Leaving you with no words is really hurtful, that's the selfish thing I did to you, thinking its the only way to save myself. I'm sorry that I was not strong enough to fight for you. It's time for me to finally let go. Adiós a ti mi amor!

Dear God

I

I am not perfect but you are my God.

I have put my trust in the wrong one many times.

I have been broken and became idle.

MY HEART

My heart was shattered for countless times.

It was wasted and turns out worthless.

A busted heart, so good-for-nothing.

YOU

You never get tired of picking the pieces together.

You put it back together when no one could.

You rehabilitate it always beautifully than before.

So from now on, it will be Yours.

A Poem for Someone Especial

Moving On So Slow

Years had passed me by.

I'm waiting for you my love,

For you to say goodbye.

Those days that you're gone,
I lived in misery and missed all the fun,
Because my love for you was never been done.

Now that you are here,
Please give me peace my dear,
I don't want to live my life again with tears.

Don't show me your gentle smile.
And this feeling, don't try to define,
Let's just pretend I'm fine.

In my hopeless dream at night,

I'm moving on to not loving you,

Moving on so slow.

And I wake up in the morning,
Still dancing in the rain,
So you can't see my pain.

But if you can't say goodbye,
Just wish me goodnight,
I want my dream alive.

Moving on so slow.
Moving on to not loving you,
I wish this dream come true.

Moving on so slow.
So slow back to loving you.

A man so caring, so gentle and true.

I love him ...

I saw him yesterday.

I wonder if he already knows.

I couldn't look at him in the eyes.

I just pretended he wasn't there.

I stole a glance at him.

He looks really happy now.

He smiled like he's up to something.

His awkward gesture would tell.

He already knows about it.

He acted like it's not a big deal.

I looked at the sky and murmured.

I wish he still has no idea about my secret.

I love him.

Something That Internet Couldn't Explore

Nowadays, were everything is going fast, Internet became our number one exploring buddy. It is our ticket to exploring new places, our counter to order what we need, the place where we met most of our friends, the library that gives us the answer to our assignments. There is nothing that Internet couldn't offer.

Humans are the sole benefactor of the Internet's generosity. And we give back by trusting it with our everything. And because it also has a site were we could unload our feelings, we satisfy ourselves by telling the world how happy we are at the moment, how angry we are to somethings, how hopeless we became when we fail, how we hate a certain person and blah blah blah! The thought that someone we refer to or many people could read the message gives us enough gratification. Gratification to disconnection!

All of a sudden, we became a slave of our own doings. We ignorantly open our heart and mind's portal for the Internet to explore us. So as it goes exploring within us, we slowly became frustrated of the things we thought we have but we don't - friends that we never met, love ones who's not in our side, real socialization and memories of true happiness.

Internet explorer, explores almost everything but there is something that Internet couldn't explore - a heart full of compassion, ready to walk a mile to reach the unreachable, prepared to give shelter to the unwanted and quick to respond to the needy. Having a compassionate heart not just define us but gives us the power to save ourselves to the present slavery of fast-easy-going-Internet-world.

When we let that compassion overpower us, we give ourselves the freedom to explore the real beautiful things in the world that offers true happiness and joy, its within us - kindness and generosity!

Let the adventure begin!

The Passionist Youth (PAYO-South)

January 23, 2016 - Acts of Mercy

Datal B'laan, T'boli, South Cotabato,

PART 1.

Seemingly, a non-ending road to happiness.

Crossing a Bamboo bridge. (photo by Ate Love)

We cross river to Datal B'laan community.

At our back; Sabak(a place which they consider holy)

On the left; our President (Kuya Erns) distributing goods.

On the right; Ate Glaiza preparing the medicines.

The Passionist Youth & our Chaplain, Rev. Fr. Jeffty Mendez, C.P.

with the whole Datal B'laan lumads. (insert Me & Donna)

PART 2.

The Visitation; lumads of Sitio Clod, Tupi, South Cotabato

Our lunch with the B'laan of Sitio Clod. (photo by PAYO Janpol)

Their native foods and utensils. (photo by PAYO Ate Love)

Ate Glaiza serving the water from bamboo water container and glass.

(photo by PAYO Ate Love)

PAYO John enjoying the soup serves in a bowl made of banana leaves.

(photo by Ate Love)

Our compassionate adventure out of kindness and generosity which we will treasure for the rest of our lives.

arrogant person

Sometimes I just let you make fun of me, just to boost up your arrogance a little more.

So Long My First Love

I seated at the dark far side of the seashore. Glancing at you from time to time then stare  back at the sea when you are about to look at that side. I was studying your movements and measuring how far you've change. Asking myself, why is it from the first time we met I already like you so much that I even let you go. Why after all those years I've spent risking and forgetting don't matter to me now? No answer.

When I look back to where the noises were coming, I see people's smiling faces, celebrating. As usual I found myself a way out of the party. I stayed there for a while examining the waves, then out of the blue used my right foot and wrote the unspoken words of mine.

I watched it slowly swallowed by the water until the sea fully enveloped the phrases in the sand. It was as if the sea was talking to me at that time, saying "It's better to keep the words." And without even shilly-shallying, I agreed to it.

The sea sounds creepy tonight, I thought. Is it really the sea that's spooky or my untold feelings that keep on haunting me? Eager to seek answers for the questions, I stepped on the water and walked to the deepest part until the water felt my knees. The cold wind hugged my frigid body. I listened to the sounds only to found it more eerie. I already forget that feelings a long time ago, right? Still, I heard no answer.

At last my feet find their way back and decided to abandon the thought and questions that were filling my mind for the moment. I tried to disregard the feeling of awkwardness having you in the background and the uneasiness knowing that there were several sets of eyes watching me or you. It's an odd feeling having those people wondering how we really feel for each other and how far we can go avoiding another's gazes and conversation. Maybe its quite entertaining view for them, but not for me who spent almost 5 years of my life feeling restless of the idea that the first man I love just easily go like a dry leaf being blown by the wind.

And despite my effort trying and doing my best to be keep in company and neglect the thought that you're just meters away to talk and get back the old days, there you are, with all smiles came and talked to me the way you always do. The track of questions I was having a while ago in the dark are now playing back. Why? Why? How?

You and me talking. It's funny and yet so familiar, just like the old days we're talking, all eyes in no either's side, avoiding each other's gaze. And it answered all my questions.

The feeling was never been forgotten. It was just right in the corner being abandoned and patiently waiting to be felt again and to prove that truly first love never dies...